Well I have been seeing a endocrinologist up at the University of Utah to try and figure out this Cushings thing for the last several months and about 3 weeks ago she wanted me to get a CT scan of my adrenal Glands done to rule out a tumor there. I have had one already but she wanted another done. So I scheduled one ASAP because I want this all figured out as fast as possible because I am tired of not knowing and getting the run around and feeling the way i have been. I got an IUD back in September that was non hormonal because the hormones in the Birth Control is what was triggering the cushings. Going on the IUD had dramatically improved the symptoms and they only seemed to crop up bad when i was on my period which was a good sign because it was backing up my hypothesis of that my cushings was caused by estrogen or progestrone. one of the pregnancy hormones. Well going in for the CT of course they ask if you are pregnant because of the radiation and I said no, not that i was aware of. I was late but i attributed it to Feb being a short month and I have never really had that regular of a cycle with having an Eating Disorder. Well I got a call from my endocrinologists office saying that i needed to come in for a blood test and i needed to get a vaginal ultra sound. So I went in and scheduled a ultra sound with my OB for Monday morning. I was gonna figure this all out ASAP.
I read through the results of the CT scan and they reported a mass in my uterus that looked like it could be a gestational sac. so in other words i was either pregnant, had a cyst or tumor... all not good things for me for heath reasons. being pregnant was the one i was hoping it wasn't. If it was a cyst or tumor they could do surgery and just remove it but if i was pregnant...that was different. I couldn't just say terminate it unless they felt it was really medically necissarily. but i was torn with that too because this was not our plan and we still didn't know how my health was for being pregnant. I was just starting to do better with my eating disorder, i was planning on getting a job, we were in the process of looking for a house. A baby would't change this stuff but it would add to the sistuation. that night i was an emotional wreak cuz i didn't know what was going on. I decided i was gonna get a pregnancy test the next morning and see what it said... So saturday morning as soon as i got up i got dressed, threw my hair back in a pony tail and then went to walmart for a test. I got a 2 pack just so i could get a "second opinion" lol
I went home and took one... positive... faint but there were two lines.... i waited a little while and did the second....positive... two SOLID lines....
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| postive |
okae i started to let it sink in but people were saying you can get false positives with cytsts and such...so Monday was going to be the determining factor of if I really was pregnant or not. We didn't tell many people what was going on because we didn't want to get anyone hyped up or worried untl we knew what was going on. i let only a few people know because I needed some support. Monday came and ryan and I went in and it was confirmed... we were pregnant. Due date November 5th about. So i was 6 weeks along.
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| first ultra sound |
I went in several times to my ob for ultra sounds beacause of the spotting and concerns with being high risk. My endocrinologist wanted me to start seeing a High risk Dr at the U so everything could be monitored at the same place. So I got that set up. I had seen one prior High risk Dr at St. Marks and he was intrigued by my case and LOVED me. He was sad to see me go to another Dr. but he was only here about one week every month. He was originally from seattle i think. When he first started talking to me i didn't have much to say and he seemed a little annoyed that i didn't seem to know much but then i started explaining more and he was very impressed by the end of our appt and he was very motivated and wanted to figure this out as much as me.
So far the pregnancy was going well... I hadn't been sick, i had been sleeping less but I was getting up and making breakfast for Jim and Ryan and I. I was motivated, happy, I was speaking my mind more which was different but good. I was tired more too but I hadn't thought much of it.
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| 6 weeks |
I started spotting last Thursdsy and went to the OB to see what was going on. They had me on bed rest to wait until the bleeding stopped. They said that i had a low laying palcenta and that I had a small bleed that needed to heal and things other then that were going good. Baby had a good strong heart beat and looked healthy for how far we were.
Then tuesday I started passing a lot of blood, clots and really bad diarrhea. We went to the ob and they did another ultra sound and baby was fine it was blood from my uturus and my placenta moving. Then wednesday night I think was the scariest day of my life. I neglected a prompting to tell Ryan I had a feeling something bad was gonna happen and how grateful I am for heavenly father using other means to keep me safe. I was just gonna go to sleep and not say anything and would have passed everything sleeping and blacked out in my sleep but Anne called me and talked for about 30 minutes till midnight when I went in to the bathroom and me talking kept Ryan more awake so he could hear me call out to him as quiet as I did. He came in and i was basically white as a sheet. I told him i was feeling pale and weak and i had lost too much blood and fluid and needed to go to the ER and then i stated loosing more and said we wouldn't make it so he needed to call 911. he did and he got me off the toilet and on the floor which helped because i was basically blacked out. I couldn't see or hear and wasn't talking much anymore. the ambulance got there and took me in to the ER and they stabilized me with IV and then did an ultra sound. I had miscarried the baby. It is I feel a good thing in the long run with everything that started to go wrong and all the other medical issues going on. But there was good that came from this. Medical was pushed and tests got done that hadn't, my husband and I have become closer as well as my mom and I. I am down for a few days to recover physically from the miscarriage but everything else so far is going well. the bleeding has dramatically decreased.
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| Last Ultra sound |
Both Ryan and I feel there was a purpose for why I got pregnant and have from the begining but we weren't necessarily counting on it being to have a baby. I knew and know Heavenly Father had a reason and trusted that what ever happened would be for the best and was a part of his plan. I still strongly feel that way and know that i will at some point get to raise the baby i lost it just wasn't meant to be at this time. It may be the next time we get pregnant or it may be in the millenium. I dunno but i know that baby will be mine someday. I also learned another thing from this...Heavenly Father takes you seriouslly when you make promises. and i didn't realize how serious. I had made a promise that i would do what ever i needed to help Ryan come back and get stronger in the church and battle some of his struggles. I didn't specify what way or how. I simply said i was willing to do anything. Then one day talking to my dad he said that Ryan's wake up call was going to be me getting pregnant and having a baby or miscarrying. At this point we were pregnant but didn't know yet. and low and behold it was ryan's wake up call. He started doing much better with church and with his other stuggles and i think the other night made him realize that he reallly did need to do what is needed so he doesn't lose me. So threre have been many blessings that have come from this in disguise.
